5 Axioms of Probability for a lifetime marriage

In today’s age the most well-known and bitter line is Walang Forever (There’s no Forever). But I would beg to disagree with that phrase because I’ve witness in my family that Forever exists – but our extended family history somehow doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to vow “until death do us part.” This post dedicated to my parents who’s celebrating their 26th year of marriage and counting. I won’t post here how they met each other because it might take too much of your time – and it’s like the TV Series of How I Met Your Mother lols. Rather, how I sought out some authentic advice from the people who have insight as to what makes marriage stand the distance. Of course, I reached out to some married couples and separated people I’ve known personally and total stranger (Note: Yea I talked some times to people randomly, when I asked them they simply return to ask me if I’ll be getting married lol). Pop-out the question “What’s the secret in making a marriage successful?” or “What’s the key to make the relationship last for lifetime?”

  1. Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them.

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After you’ve been married for many years, that passionate kiss when your partner walks in the door can easily morph into a peck on the cheek that can then transform into an inability even to look up from your computer or simply ignore him/her.  Studies show that nearly half of men who have cheated say it was because of emotional dissatisfaction. When men don’t feel connected or appreciated by their wives, they are vulnerable to the advances of any attractive woman who casts a lustful glance their way. It would not hurt if you say thank you for the little things or compliment your spouse which is total sign of acknowledgement. Make an effort to affirm your spouse’s value in life and in love. Don’t be too tired to make an effort to express your love through respecting and supporting each other.

  1. Whatever horrible circumstance happens, remember this, too, will pass

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One thing for sure, is that marriage life is resembling of roller coaster ride which I think every married couple has been experiencing or had experienced. A crisis doesn’t mean the marriage is over because it’s like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. It can be a new beginning. It’s out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

  1. Watch your words or simply relish the silence

There are many things you should never say to a longtime spouse, the first being: “Don’t you think our new neighbor is attractive?” that’s a question you just think you want to know the answer to. Its’ also never a good idea to start a sentence with: “You know it’s always been your problem that…” spiel. Who wants to hear that from their partner? We hopefully all have a pretty good sense of ourselves at this point and having someone you love point out a failing in this way does little to engender a loving relationship. “You always…” or “You never…” think about it. Neither of these is true. If you start a conversation with these words your mate is certain to shut down or most probably will start a fight, which might end that you have to sleep on the couch. Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say – and then say that instead. Sometimes the best way to address a problem is to just walk away from it – as in seriously let it go. Not every slight must be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice letting go as much as you can. Forgive more. Forget more. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And once in a while, remind yourself of why you married this person. Focus on those reasons and let stuff pass without mention. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse. The trick to successful silence, is that you really let the problem pass. If you stay silent and still harbor bad thoughts, well that’s where ulcers come from. As the Beatles told us “Let it be”. This is one of my dad’s principle whenever my starts to a fight or nag him.

  1. Maintain intimacy and passion.

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There may be no stronger aphrodisiac than a moonlight walk on the beach that ends in a kiss. There may be no greater display of passion than the zeal of a partner in a hospital room trying to get the nurse’s attention for an ailing wife. Relationships don’t work without time investment or even emotional investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt – sacred and special and should be on the same day of the week every week. My parents are not ashamed to kiss infront of us. Sometimes they’re acting like a teenager – well atleast in our eyes lols but honestly they’re so cute when they’re expressing their love. Trivia:  Well my mom is very sentimental person, she have kept the love letters she had received from my dad when they’re in a boy/girlfriend stage and she let us read them. Cheesy!

  1. Lastly, Selflessness.

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The foundation to have lifetime marriage: Honesty, Trust, Communication, Loyalty, Commitment, listening, have no expectation from your partner and be content to whatever each of you can share and do. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together. This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest into them daily. Accomplishing the items listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself… but it so worth it. After all, a successful marriage is far more valuable than most of temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer. Remember that it takes two to tango, if you already knew or have a feeling that your current girl/boyfriend is the one who makes you happy, sacrifices for you, been there for the ups and down, can understand your tantrums and bad moods – imagine your life to with him/her, knowing that he/she’s all you wanted. Well, I might say don’t let go and keep it up. Just enjoy.

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Mr. & Mrs. Rongcales

Thank you for reading!

Always,

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